this is this is this is a sticky situation

Danko Jones
"Sleep Is The Enemy"
Bad Taste Records, 2006

I vaguely remember my buddy Carl playing a Danko Jones record for me many years ago. I probably though, "My, this is a rocking record album. Pass the PBR, please." For whatever reason, I never really gave the band a second thought, though high praise had been handed down from many a trusted rock authoritarian. Squares, they, all. No clue, right?

Fuck 'em all. Now it's suddenly Danko Jones week in my car and I can't get this shit outta my skull. From "Sticky Situation," which kicks off the album all the way to the pseudo-weird (comparitively speaking) electro-ish groove of "Time Heals Nothing" and Hives-on-Motorhead's speed, sorta metallic ball crusher "Sleep Is The Enemy" that ends it, this record rocks my lame ass into submission. Perhaps the best rock single of the year will be "First Date," and dammit, that's A-O-fucking-K with me. The song rules, and the Van Halen-esque break down kills me. I smile every time he says, "...we're gonna do all the things all the couples like to do..." Seriously. Listen to this shit!?! Why wasn't I immediately bowled over and on the front-end of this junk-punching trend?

Danko Jones approaches the rock game from all over the map, but that's a good thing. Liberal doses of AC/DC clash with the buzzsaw of the Ramones, and some angular Devo gets thrown in with the hyperkinetic energy of the Hives. There's some metal influences, and the vocals would make Handsome Dick Manitoba jealous...that Danko Jones is one bad motherfucker. I think Andrew WK would like to get awesome with this dude. I'm sold on the band; this is its third album, and I have no idea where it ranks in the echelon of Dank-listening. But I'd say it has to be right up there. The production is great and the guitar tones are stunning. I just hope the dude doesn't use some Mesa piece of crap (or another similar homogenous stack of amps).

I am going to seek out the rest of the band's catalog post-haste. This is music with a sense of humor, great reference points, a good grasp on rock's history, and a sound that is both propulsive and explosive. The group needs to come back stateside soon for a tour. Carl and I need a roadtrip again.

-Mike

www.dankojones.com

stoner witch

Witch
"self-titled"
Tee Pee Records, 2006

Coming soon to a turntable near you: Witch. J Mascis decided he wanted to do a stoner rock band and play drums in it, so he made it happen. The result should probably have been terrible since he got a couple of folkies from a band called Feathers to play, too. But DAMN. This record is great!

The record has 7 tracks, but it is definitely a full length. The songs are a bit sprawling; they definitely have a "jam" feel to them but they keep it cohesive. "Seer" starts off with a nice chunky riff, and when the band kicks in you realize that any doubt about whether it was going to be good is done. Massive Sabbath-y riff after Sabbath-y riff fills this sucker up, but it's not as derivative as most "stoner" bands tend to be.

I was nearly sure upon first listen that the singer was a woman, but after a few spins it became clear it's a dude with a Stevie Nicks voice. Normally I'd hate that, and in some ways I hate myself for liking it (questioning of my sackitude, dig?), but it's damn good. The recording is also quite great itself, done by John Agnello, who has recently done the Early Man record.

So yeah, now I'm respinning this on the computer and must say "Changing" is a supersweet jam. It talks about black magic and shit...haha. If it didn't sound straight out of the '70s, I'd wanna kick the dude in the balls. But it holds to the Pentagram/Sabbath food group and the fact that Mascis is in the band is not at all distracting. There are also touches of more modern stuff like the Burning Brides and, ahem, Dinosaur Jr., but this is a '70s rock record. This shit will rule my car's stereo for more than a minute.

-Mike

www.teepeerecords.com/bands/witch/

tricky leppard blushing to hell and back

Tricky Woo
"First Blush"
Last Gang Records, 2005

The Darkness
"One Way Ticket To Hell...And Back"
Atlantic Records, 2005

Def Leppard
"Rock 'Til You Drop"
bootleg, 1983


It's the year 1900 and 99 or so, and I'm a wee tot in college. A freshman or some such shit. I was getting deep into the denim dudes of Turbonegro and needed more, more, more from that food group. I was rock-starved. Pop-punk had lost its appeal and felt quite ballless. A Canuck on the Screeching Weasel board and the advent of Napster introduced me to this band called "Tricky Woo," which seemed like a way fuckin' stupid name. It still sorta is. But man, were the songs I'd found fantastic! I heard some records and they were cool, but I never found them in this distant land to theirs. And after "Les Sables Magiques" was totally flat and terrible and un-rocking, I'd given up on them.

Fast forward to present. Band resurfaces and releases a record MORE ROCKING than "Sometimes I Cry." As the display on my phone reads, "dude, WTF?" What you got is this: heavy groove, psychedelic imagery, hippie innuendo, and total KISS meets Priest rock slabbage. We call it Hard Rock. Vocals touch on Steven Tyler and David Lee Roth territory. The guitar solos are way, way over-the-top and soaring. "Mistress of the Mountain" may be the jam to end all jams.

And we thought it all but dead.

Lots of bands had started bringing back the '70s staple that fell to the background behind punk, '80s metal, and other "guitar-oriented" rock (dude, WTF? Grunge?!). But they were getting lumped in elsewhere - and for good reason, as many had outside influences that made lumping them into other categories easier - Gluecifer, The Datsuns, etc. But The Darkness, now when they came out, there was no denying their "hard rock-ness."

"Permission To Land" brought lots of bonafied hard rock influences into a new hard rock package - sounds of Queen, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Def Leppard. Yep. It rocked serious ass, in a tongue-in-cheek fashion. Irony? No. But the band certainly wasn't stupid.

Now "One Way Ticket To Hell...And Back" drops and boy, what changed? The record lacks all the things I loved about the last one. There's way, way, waaaaay too much emphasis on the power balladry, and not enough attention paid to kicking eardrums in. "One Way Ticket" is a classic tune about cocaine, and "Knockers" is pretty good, too. But shit like "English Country Garden" has gotta stop. The record is weak, weak, weak in the overall. Not really worthy of repeated spins unlike the first one. So if anyone wondered how long the novelty of the Darkness would last, the answer is: one album. And maybe an EP.

Arguably, the band took the worst parts of one of the late '70s/early '80s best hard rock acts, Def Leppard. In cranking up "High And Dry," "Pyromania," and especially "Rock 'Til You Drop" - a bootleg of an LA arena show from 1983 - it's pretty damn easy to see the things that made the Leppard extremely popular. Amazing hooks, but driving rock songs that you could pump your fist to. Good guitar, and Joe Elliott could shred his throat with the best of 'em. Unfortunately, the Darkness saw fit to borrow liberally from "Hysteria," the steaming pile that made dudes scratch their heads and 13-year-old girls cream their panties thinking about the hot English rockers. Well, except that one-armed drummer...what a creep!

With "Rock 'Til You Drop," you get a soundboard show of Leppard in its absolute ripping prime. All the best songs from the first three records, a crowd going apeshit, and total schlock-y arena rocker stage banter. Cheesy, for certain, but the band hits on so many highs that the cheese is almost cool. A must-listen for any fan of hard rock music, from a band that is unfortunately too often remembered for the bad rather than the good. In 1983, you couldn't fuck with that band, and you still can't touch those records.

Bottom line: Tricky Woo is the new wave of hard rock, and the Darkness probably never was. Avoid that new record like AIDS. And if you don't know and need an education, pick up the Def Leppard records up to "Pyromania" and have your head twisted a little bit. YEAH, they really were THAT DAMN GOOD.

-Mike

www.trickywoo.org
www.thedarknessrock.com
www.defleppard.com

New York City cocks, don't they really suck? Oh, I meant 'cops.'

The Strokes
First Impressions of Earth
RCA, 2006

If you asked the Strokes what they sound like, they might be too bored or cool to tell you. But I'm not. One of the bands to "save rock" in the early 2000s, the Strokes were the great white hope for rich, pretentious hipper-than-thou caucasion kids everywhere. At least that year. And frankly, they weren't bad and still aren't.

But lemme tell ya what. I've read Velvet Underground comparisons, and while apt, I don't think you'll ever catch Julian Casablancas singing songs about heroin or black girls. Maybe you will, but being so immersed in hipster pussy and the art scene (I mean, probably, right?), I'd say that the odds of him ever being that direct and seedy are unlikely. Instead, you'll hear him singing lines of faux-poetry or lines about parties, where he presumably dives right into those waifish modelesque ladies. Unless he's into dudes.

What you really need to know about the Strokes is this: they are the U2 for the kids who are too cool for U2. Casablancas' voice sounds like Bono's probably would after a couple bottles of cheap wine. But ya know, that's not such a bad thing. They may be pretentious, but the songs stand on their own enough to cut through a lot of it. There are melodies, and the guitar work is smokin' hot on this one. That dude with the Jew-fro probably doesn't get as much tail, and so he practices...and it shows! Dude pulls out some major fireworks in comparison to prior efforts. The whole band sounds a little tighter and a little looser as a unit.

Admittedly I've only listened to half, but I don't think the album warrants 14 cuts anyway. Thanks, but I'm cool with 10 or 12, a half hour and change. For those who already like 'em, this will be a nice addition, I'm sure. For those who don't, well...skip it. I suppose it's worth some spinnage, but I'm not hearing the hits yet. The Strokes are a "grower" band, though, so maybe...ah, fuck it. I'll probably just listen to Early Man again.

Bottom line: The Strokes rock OK.

-Mike

www.thestrokes.com

the undisputed kings of an infinite amount of nothing

J Church
"The Drama Of Alienation"
Honest Don's, 1996

Nearly a decade after it was released, Sunday evening seemed like as good a time as any to return to my favorite J Church record. Maybe I heard some J Church song last night at Punk Rock Night or just drunkenly remembered a stanza, but something jogged the ol' memory. Why not, right? The pop-punk band (then from the Bay Area, now of Austin) was one of my favorites when I was a wee lad of less extensive brilliance back in, uh, high school.

"The Drama Of Alienation" doesn't really sound particularly contemporary, though I sorta wish it did. Because the "pop-punk" scene has made such a tragic shift that, while a few "true believers" still hang on, its definition has mostly changed to post-hardcore dudes with part screaming, part sung vocals or they sound like Saves The Day facimiles. Either way, it pretty much sucks and what was at one point huge - remember when Green Day wasn't a total Arena Rock entity? - has all but vanished from the mainstream and is buried in the way underground. Don't tell Jimmy Dastardly that, though. Some of us still fucking remember, right?

Well, anyway, this record still sounds pretty good and rocks OK. "Undisputed King Of Nothing" totally rules and could still be my theme song (or it feels like it at times). "Smell It Rot" rocks. "You're On Your Own" takes a slightly heavier riff and punks it out to satisfying degrees. For those who need an aural comparison, J Church fall into the Jawbreaker/MTX canon. Solid lyrically for sure. And they also hit on a lot of Pixies/Nirvana territory...and if you don't like that, you're a mo-ron. Or at least you are from this guy's perspective...ya know, this guy? The one with two thumbs that loves blowjobs. Yeah, this guy.

Old tunes to start the new year. Look for a review of the new Witchcraft forthcoming, as well as some other tricks and treats.

Bottom line: I bet you could buy this record used for pretty cheap these days. Might not be a bad idea if you like pop-punk and don't own it.

-Mike

www.j-church.com

all hail chicago's new wave of midwestern garage metal

Bible of the Devil
"Brutality, Majesty, Eternity"
Scary Records, Italy, 2005

Perhaps Chicago is the NYC or LA of the Midwest, packed with uber-hip turds clamoring to jump aboard the latest indie rock gravy train, caring more about how they look than the sounds that enter their ears. But I dunno, man; the Windy City has more than its fair share of good bands these days, and Bible of the Devil leads that charge, lacking any of the pretense or irony that defined my past thoughts of "Chicago rock." And they're number one with a bullet, to be sure.

"Brutality, Majesty, Eternity" is BotD's third proper album and finds the band really coming into its own as a group. The metal influences are more apparent than ever, with the dueling leads of Thin Lizzy and Iron Maiden finding their way into most of the songs. While the palette of influences broadens, the basics are still there: the aforementioned bands, as well as liberal doses of Motorhead, Turbonegro, Accept, and their buddies the Lord Weird Slough Feg. It doesn't really jibe with what the cool kids are probably actually spinning, but what do the cool kids know anyway? I'd rather hang out with the heshers at the back of the classroom, wouldn't you? Good music will always be good music, and tasty licks abound on this sucker.

The thing that bowls me over with BotD is the same thing that struck a huge chord with me when I first heard "Apocalypse Dudes" by Turbonegro. Same concept. What it is is this: these guys are rock scholars. They've mined the past, they have superior taste, and they've distilled a lot of rock, hard rock, and metal into one absolutely ass-rocking package. They are a band worth obsessing over. A band that you can be proud to call one of your favorites. I do and I do, thanks.

From the opening track "Guns, Germs, Steel" (based on the bestseller of the same name by Jared Diamond found in Borders' biology section), it's made clear that this is a step up from the last effort "Tight Empire." The melodic leads are more melodic, the vocals have more testicular fortitude, and the band kicks it out like a machine. Gibsons plugged into Marshalls is a be-yoo-tiful concept, my mangs; BotD brings this idea to fruition. And there aren't any misfires on here, either...just plenty of smokin' tunes. "Cocaine Years, Cocaine Tears" is a particular standout in the live set with the a cappela ending, and "Flee" crushes lives with its galloping guitar crunch. To say that Mark Hoffman and Nate Perry push their limits is putting it lightly; it is great to watch two guitarists (in the same band, even) both keep setting the bar higher for themselves and then shattering that high only a couple songs later. To say the playing improved between this album and the last is not taking the shredability seriously enough. As a former song title states, "Fuckin' A."

If it were any more over the top, it would probably get old, but for now they're ruling just fine. Stay away from the hobbitry, get those Masters from Iron U., and keep churning out the high quality riffage.

Bottom line: This record probably is my favorite "metal" album of 2005. It is a must-own.

-Mike

www.bibleofthedevil.com

welcome to the jamhole (record reviews for the somewhat literate)

The idea for this blog evolved from those that I've posted on Myspace. The opinions I hold on music seem to sometimes interest people, and my need for an additional creative outlet for my expository writing shall be this. What am I gonna do? I'm gonna review records that I download, buy, steal, or am given. New, recent, old, or classic releases...doesn't matter. If I feel like talking about it, then write about it I shall. Right here, at the newly trusty Jamhole. Though I doubt anyone else will ever be interested in contributing (or reading, for that matter), I'll entertain the idea of having additional writers use this blog as a forum for their writing if they wish and if there's any reason or need.

Right on!

-Mike